April 8, 2011
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| This pic was taken 2 days before my water broke. |
A year ago tonight my water broke.
A year ago tonight I was waiting for my husband to pack his bag to go to the hospital.
A year ago tonight we drove to the hospital with huge grins on our faces anticipating the birth of our little girl.
A year ago tonight I knew my life would be forever changed.
A year ago tonight I would have never imagined the events that were about to unfold.
Her Story:
It was a Thursday. All day at work I was having intense Braxtin Hicks/Contractions/Whatever you want to call them. Things. Were. Happening. My due date was still 2 weeks away. If you know me, you know that through the entire pregnancy I kept saying Nora would be 2 weeks late. I just knew I would have her at the end of April, early May. Boy was I wrong.
I taught all day not really paying attention to how far apart the contractions actually were, so when I got home that afternoon I decided to time them. Thank you I Phone for the Contractulator App. I was surprised to see that they were exactly 7 minutes apart, lasting about 45 seconds. This went on for a couple of hours. By 5:30 pm. everything stopped. I had asked Kevin to come home earlier in the day instead of going to the gym to workout because I just had a "feeling." So when everything stopped, I thought I was just misreading my body and what was occurring.
I crawled into bed at 10:00 p.m. and at 10:11 p.m. I had a pretty intense contraction. I had another at 10:22 p.m. and that's when it all happened. I remember telling Kevin I think my water broke. He felt the bed, nothing was wet and the next thing I know I am running to the bathroom as fast as a 187 pound pregnant woman can run. Yes, 187 pounds. I am not ashamed. It's so nice of them to weigh you at the hospital before you have a baby. My water had definitely broken. Wow.
We were so excited! I remember calling as many people as we could to let them know we were on our way to the hospital. Kevin still had not packed. Big surprise. I was calling my sub, making a snack, deep breathing, calling the doctor, grabbing the bags, deep breathing, checking on Zeus, grabbing the camera, deep breathing, deep breathing, deep breathing. Really Kevin?
We finally got to the hospital about an hour later. I was dilated to a 3. I remember everyone saying it was going to be a while before she would actually arrive. I remember thinking the same thing. She had a different plan. Unlike her dad, she wasn't slow. By 1:00 a.m. I was dilated to a 6 and by 6:30 a.m. I was at a 10 and ready to push. Everyone joked that I was going to have her and be able to go into work that day. Real funny!
And so the pushing began. And continued. And kept on going. And soon it was 10:45 am. and no Nora. I have never worked so hard in my life. I had a huge cheering section. Kevin, my mom and dad, my mother in law, my dear friend Aimee, my sister on the phone in NY. Ask them. I have never worked harder. We exhausted every resource and finally I kicked my doctor (love you Frederick!) and said take her C-section. I have never seen so many people respond so quickly.
By 11:28 a.m. Nora was out and that's when we entered into our worst nightmare.
I have told Kevin numerous times I remember everything during the surgery. He begs to differ, saying that I was in and out of sleep the entire time. I guess that's what happens when you labor for 24 hours and push for 4. I remember reminding my doctor to save my placenta (that's a separate story), I remember holding my labor and delivery nurse's hand (apparently she wasn't even there), I remember asking if Nora was crying yet. I remember hearing 3 distinct baby cries (apparently they were more like 3 whimpers). I remember them showing her to me. That was the last thing I remember. They showed her to me and then she was gone.
The next thing I know, I am in the recovery room, with my nurse, my doctor and the neonatologist. I remember waking up, wondering where my baby was, where my family was. The unfamiliar face, the neonatologist, began to ramble off a slew of information. I didn't understand or remember anything except for four things. These four things are forever engraved in my memory surrounding Nora's birth. Four things no parent wants to hear.
1. Your daughter is very sick.
2. She has a 40-50% chance of survival.
3. She will probably need to stay in the NICU for 2-3 weeks.
4. You can see her but I want you to know she will have a lot of bruising and swelling.
I remember thinking that he had the wrong patient. This was not happening to us, to our daughter. Nora was fine. She was never under any stress during labor. Surely he has the wrong patient. I remember turning to my doctor and holding his arm, crying and saying "I can't do this!" My doctor and I had been through a lot. Kevin and I had had 2 miscarriages prior to Nora and he was such a huge support for us. He then translated what the neonatologist said, which gave me some hope.
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| The first time I got to see Nora. Born April 9, 2010 @11:28 a.m. |
Nora was born with a Subgaleal Hematoma. It is a bruise/bleeding that occurred between her skull and the skin on her head. About 50% of the blood in her body traveled to this bruise and it wasn't clotting. She had to have a blood transfusion immediately after her birth. She slept on a little water pillow and would whimper every time her head was lightly touched. It was more than Kevin and I could bare at times. There are so many other details about what she went through, what the NICU provided for her, as well as all the prayers and support that were given from close family, friends and complete strangers.
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| The first time I got to hold Nora. |
We weren't able to hold her until she was 3 days old, which was just heart-wrenching. It was so difficult to go down to the NICU and see her crying or in pain and not be able to comfort her in my arms. Once we were able to hold her, I truly believe that was when the healing began for all of us.
They expected her to be in the NICU for at least 3 weeks. We left as a family of 3 when she was 6 days old. She was a rock star and truly defied all odds. She really is our little Miracle.
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| Finally leaving the hospital. |
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As I reflect on Nora's birth, so much comes to mind. Some days I remember every detail like it was just yesterday. Other days it seems like it really was a year ago. One thing that I am always reminded of is the miracle that we truly witnessed.
With the trauma surrounding Nora's birth, I have had moments of anxiety and fear. I have truly loved this first year of motherhood, but I was not expecting to have these feelings when I thought of being a mom. Seeing how we almost lost her, I have even more of a desire to protect her from everything, which is obviously impossible, and I think that's where my fear stems from. I have learned to rely on God more than ever. This past year, I have clung to this verse: Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God." I have "be still" engraved on a necklace, framed in my bedroom and maybe one day tattooed to my body. :)
Obviously her story has a happy ending. She is a thriving, healthy one year old. The complications at birth have in no way affected her development and who she is today. Nora is a fighter. She is determined. Nora is smart, funny, tender and loving. I couldn't imagine loving anything or anyone more than how I love her. It truly makes my insides want to burst.
Happy Birthday Nora! You are deeply loved by all! I can't wait to spend the rest of my life loving you and watching you grow into your own person.
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| Nora Faye Broderick-Kartye (aka Nora Belle) |
